Master Suite Makeover: Part 1

Hey y'all! It's Sarah again. (Although I'm pretty sure you could tell from the Texas that has found it's way into my speech. Yes, I do get poked fun at on a regular basis. As in, every time I say, "Y'all." Which is a lot. Love y'all too Beth and Rebecca!! :P) 

This post is the beginning in the documentation of a long, arduous journey (aka, "home improvement project") that is still a work in progress as we speak. (Or as I type... and you read... if we want to get technical about this.) This time, we're tackling the master bedroom and bathroom!

DUH DUH DUH!!

Now that my random, dramatic tune has you excited about long, arduous journeys in a bathroom, let's get started!

*Disclaimer* This post contains disturbing images of not one, but three kinds of offensive wallpaper. (And the mention of quite a few more.) Do not read late at night, while home alone, or right before you go to bed. If you are easily frightened or extremely sensitive to poor decorating decisions, this post will make you want to crawl under a rock. 

This is the bathroom! Our current house is the first one we have actually gotten to paint, decorate, and make our own in about 25 years. While I do hate the wallpaper that the lovely *cough* previous owners did not take down for 16 years, it has given us very good motivation to get the home improvement ball rolling. (That, and Aunt Mary introducing us to her beloved steamer. It has powers, my friends.) We've completed taking down horrendous wallpaper/painting the kitchen, office, family room, powder room, sun room, and all three of the benevolent daughters' *wink* rooms. So it was only a matter of time before we got to the parental units' quarters, and their trip to Canada a couple weeks ago gave us the perfect opportunity to get construction underway.

Now, the image above does not give you a complete picture of the weirdness of this wallpaper. From far away, it's not too bad.  

 Then, you get closer.

(The demon border.)

 (The main course.)

I mean, seriously, what is this stuff? Not only do the two not match at all, the border looks like it had an identity crisis x 5 and the main wallpaper looks like veins. Or neurons. It reminds me of the movie, "War Of The Worlds." (Which dealt with said veins, is really creepy, and gave me nightmares... if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. I'll spare the rest of you who haven't a description. You're welcome.)

This wasn't the only nightmare inducing wallpaper around the house though.

 This lovely specimen could be found all over OUR bathroom. The shower curtain valence matched. 

Two things. One, shower curtain valences are weird. Second, there is a fish in a party hat smoking a pipe in the upper right hand corner. I tried to come up with a good explanation for that fish. And an explanation on why someone thought this wallpaper would be a good choice to pay money for and put on a wall. Ever.

I failed to come up with a reason on both counts.

Ah, memories.

Anyway, back to the current project.

This is the magical steamer Aunt Mary is lending us until we get our wallpaper problem under control.

This problem included;

1. Watercolor flowers in the sun room.

2. Horses in the powder room.

3. Fish, in party hats, smoking underwater, in the girls' bathroom. (See image above.)

4. Dogs and cats playing baseball, basketball, and soccer in Rebecca's bedroom. (Yes, all three.)

5. More watercolor flowers and creepy fairies in my bedroom. (The fairies were in a border above the chair rail, so they were the first thing I saw every morning. I'm scarred.)

6. The demon border and veins I just took down in the parents' bathroom.

Now, that was just the first and second floors. Sub- level is another story. Our basement is currently sporting;

1. A beach scene border with seersucker blue stripes underneath in the exercise room.

2. A print in the bathroom of conquistadors on horses hunting lions, tigers, and bears. (Oh my.)

3. A border of the same conquistador wallpaper in the guest bedroom.

I'm completely confused.

But I digress.

Here is the start of me steaming! (It's a very exciting action shot, I know.)

This was the first strip I took down...

 (The carnage.)

 ...And this is where I started to cry. 

 Good thing its a bathroom.

I started crying for a couple reasons. The previous wallpaper we encountered in this house fell into two categories. The first (the watercolor flowers in the sun room) had a sticky back that came off cleanly even when the magical steamer was applied for just a few seconds. Angels sang, the heavens opened, and I'm pretty sure all the stars aligned just for good measure.

Then we got to the other rooms.

These weren't bad, they just had two layers; a top, vinyl-y layer that had the offensive pattern and a paper backing that was left behind after steaming the vinyl-y layer off. It wasn't really a problem, you just had to steam the paper backing again and scrape it off with a putty knife. In my naivete, I thought the wallpaper in the bathroom would be the sticky back kind because the little bit I tested (aka it was already coming off) pulled back easily. But I was wrong.

Oh boy, was I wrong.

This wallpaper not only had a paper backing, it had literally melded with the wall. Steaming got most of it off, but certain areas (the entire room) tore the actual wall if you tried to take it down.

 Cue the crying.

 The identity confused border was even worse. Wallpaper clearly not meant for a humid room with temperature fluctuations does strange things after almost 20 years. The backing, glue, and wall pretty much had a party and congealed into one substance. Weirdest... party... ever.  So I just had to leave the border backing on most of the walls. It was pretty smooth, but just bubbled because steam found its way behind it. And it still wouldn't come off without tearing the wall. Hence, why I call it the, "demon border." Cue more crying.

Eventually, however, this is what it looked like.

Wallpaper is not nice. It steals your soul, makes you cry (noted), and takes your first born child. (I guess it's a good thing I'm the middle sister.) And makes you smell like wallpaper glue, but that's just a bonus.

 (The aftermath.)

The next stages were spackling, sanding, and taping for paint.

 Spackle...

 Spackle...

 And more spackle. 

(I bet the word, "spackle," looks funny now how, huh?)

 We went though a lot of spackle.

And a lot of my sanity. 

But this insanely long detailed post is now finito! Part 2 will feature painting, staining, and hopefully some new mirrors and lights! I know. I'm sad the brass boxes with exposed bulbs are gone too. *sigh* Oh well. :P

One last word of caution; Stay away from wallpaper as much as humanly possible. Coming into contact with or having to remove wallpaper can include side effects such as; 

1. Nightmares. 

2. Breaking out in a cold sweat when you walk into the offending room.

3. Running away in screaming terror at the sight of a wall that needs to be spackled.

4. The need to do bodily harm to designers on HGTV who decide to put up wallpaper in a poor,

unfortunate soul's home.

5. An insatiable desire to take a steamer and putty knife to everything in sight.

(Not that I've had personal experience with any of these... *cough* )

Part 2 coming soon! :)